Maddenholics, rejoice!!! Your wet dream has become a reality. Michael Vick has signed with the Philadelphia Eagles for a year, with an option for year 2.

What? You mean this isn't Madden 2008? Shit.

Alright, since I'm sitting here listening to the Four Letter Network go ga-ga over this, let me give you the real you won't hear on any network. Or radio station.


- Firstly, the "Wildcat". I was going to address this in my NFL preview, but I'll rant on it here. I get that Miami pulled this out last year and got one over on The Hoodie. Duly noted. However, much like Auto-Tune has hit the music industry, it's one requiem song away from becoming extinct. This may work in college, but the pros adjust rather quickly to things like this.

If you think Belichick's getting hoodwinked by this twice, you're nuts.

If you really think Reid's installing this in the NFC East, you're snorting black tar.

Oh and if you're an Eagle fan signing off on all this, thanks for reaffirming why I think the Giants will win this division AGAIN. Which brings me to my second point...

Vick-tory In #2?
- For years, Donovan has struggled to stay healthy. The backups for Donovan have been okay at best, but you're not really fearing them as you would with #5 behind the center. Putting Vick in a "Auto-Run/Pass" is shortening his QB career. Yeah, I know he's a bit of a loose cannon and not your traditional drop back and throw guy. Let us be reminded of something here...

Donovan's had the likes of Jeff Garcia and A.J. Touchy Feely backing him up the past few seasons he has been hurt. Kevin Kolb's injury and Vick's signing isn't the least bit of coincidental to me. Kolb's a second round pick, lest we forget. Oh and here's one other thing I think a lot of folks are forgetting...

Philly's not exactly enamored with Donovan McScam. They weren't when he was drafted in 99, they haven't been since. It wasn't until T.O. came in 2004, that he was popular, but as I told my ex who is an avid McScab/Eagles fan...

"Without a #1 receiver, Donovan will NOT win a Super Bowl."

What has he done since T.O. more or less exiled himself? Nothing. Sure, they beat the tar out of Tony Homo and the 'Boys. But then again, who's afraid of the not so bad 'Boys? They were better as South America's Team if ya ask me, but I digress.So Len, where should he have gone? Well, it's a team I don't like anymore than Phucking Philly, but it would've been a much better FOOTBALL situation for him. That would've been the 69ers. Quick, tell me who you'd rather have under center for your football team...

A) The Ute Formerly Known As Alex Smith
B) Shaun Hill
C) Michael Vick

If you answered either A or B, congratulations. Your offense will not be good enough to beat out either Seattle or the New Show On Turf in Arizona. Enjoy 3rd place losers. Even though Vick would've...wait. I know of the absolute PERFECT situation that not even the mofos at the Four Letter Network hit on...

Minnesota. Other than Favre, who would've been at BEST, a two year fix...why not go with Vick? You're not going to win the conference with Sage Rosenfalls or Tarvaris Jackson at QB. The unwritten law is the only average QBs who win Super Bowls have outstanding defenses behind them. See Dilfer, Trent (Purple Reign 2000)or Johnson, Brad (Bucs of the New Sombrero). Minnesota's D is fairly good, good enough to win the NFC Norris, but not great enough to win a Super Bowl. Oh and someone please, spare me on Andy Reid being this Father Reid guy.

Isn't this the same guy whom a Philly judge said of his son's closet, paraphrasing of course, was a drug store? Isn't he the same guy who had to take time out for his son, Philly renowned junkie? How's he supposed to be great for a man who funded a dogfighting ring? Oh and that's another thing which is getting to me...

Look folks, I get that what Michael did was utterly barbaric and moronic in nature. I get that dogs died and ya know what? I don't condone his actions in the least bit. But PETA, seriously. Chill the fuck out. Oh and you Philly papers, eat shit. A big bag of shit too, must your back page read "Hide Your Dogs"? I say give it one Donovan injury or slow start, then watch how the Philly media turns.

As it was just said by Sal Philadelphia, it's foolish to think Philly's carrying four QBs into the year. Even IF Kolb's injury isn't that severe and Touchy Feeley was given the "my job is fine" smiel from Reid. Of course it is, A.J., of course it is. This move realistically speaking, doesn't put them past the Giants in the East. They still don't have a #1 option on offense and as we have seen from them, their "balanced attack" doesn't hold water in December and January, because their defense isn't as fierce as it used to be. (Note to Iggy fans, you're gonna miss Dawkins. I won't, but best believe you will.)

I'm not inclined to think he's going to be a huge black cloud, but it's just not going to get them any farther than they would've gone without him. Oh and you would've been better served going after Marvin Harrison instead of Vick.