Something about David Beckham
For a while, Shaun Wright-Phillips was touted as his successor, but his transfer to Chelsea, and a subsequent lack of first team opportunities, has substantially damaged his international career. Tottenham’s, David Bentley was also mentioned briefly, but didn’t do enough with his chances to really secure a place in the England team.
Then the manager, Fabio Cappello, selected Theo Walcott to play on the right of midfield – Beckham’s position. Walcott was previously known best as the shock selection for the 2006 World Cup squad, being chosen instead of more experienced strikers. He’d barely played a game for his club, and was far from ready for international football. Unsurprisingly, he finished the tournament without making a single appearance.
Anyway, all that is now forgotten, thanks to a superb hat-trick against Croatia last week. Considering that Beckham probably never scored a hat-trick in his life, apart from in his back garden against his kids, it’s probably safe to say those three goals signalled the end of his days as an international footballer. He might still make it to the squad, but I can’t see him starting any more matches.
Obviously, he’ll still be playing for LA Galaxy for a few years to come. But without regular England appearances, he’ll need to keep his profile up in order to remain an asset to his club, because, let’s face it, the main reason anyone buys Beckham is the publicity and interest he attracts.
So what’s he going to do with his time now? The modelling stuff is fine, but he’s 33, and his looks will fade. And if he’s not good-looking anymore, he might not get invited to those A-list parties and events.
Perhaps he could use some his Hollywood contacts to launch an acting career. There have certainly been rumours about it already. Of course, that won’t come to anything, due to the fact he sounds very much like a castrato when he speaks. Any attempts to become a singer would be hindered too by this affliction. Even if he did manage it, his wife would no doubt wish to impart her own wisdom upon him regarding the music biz. Failure would surely follow.
With music and film out of the equation, Beckham is left with few high-profile occupations to choose from. He’s probably too old to try a new sport, apart from golf, and in Tiger Woods, it already has its poster boy.
Things are starting to look desperate for David now. A downwards slide into alcoholism, gambling and drug abuse seems imminent, unless he can find a way to stay in the public eye. Fortunately, America offers a place where aging stars can go once their light begins to fade. It’s called politics. It worked for Arnie, Ronald Reagan and Sonny Bono. Even Jesse Ventura did it. Surely, with his apparent lack of intelligence or understanding of politics, combined with his perfect teeth and much publicised marital infidelity, David Beckham is the perfect candidate to be a State Governor. He’d get my vote. Obviously, because I’m not American, I wouldn’t have to live with the consequences, but if you ever wanted to know what a political campaign speech would sound like when delivered by a seven-year-old girl, this has to be the way forward.
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