I'm baaaack aka New Rules for July 24, 2008
NEW RULES
Yes, these are coming out to you hard and fast, like a Rick Majorn shove to the she-man, Lisa Leslie.
1. Ricardo Ricco - Nice one, fuckstick. You were rated as the upset special for the Tour de Frog... I mean France. And instead you get to be a 2nd rate Floyd Landis. New rule, for those who were a bit slow. Ricardo Ricco = half ass cheater.
2. Brett Favre - Accept the fact that you're not going to Minnesota or any "good" team. In other words, Buffalo or bust, fucker!
3. C.C. Sabathia - Proving a good pitcher paired with a fat fuck vegan named Prince equals a decent team, especially for a city known for drinking.
4. Roger Clemens - Got a bit of bad news for you. When I find receipts under my TV, it usually means that I miss out on a refund. When your former HGH pusher does the same, you miss out on a baseball career.
5. Hank Steinbrenner - Still a prick aka Boss Lite.
6. The Mets - Still clueless, moreso than their #1 Fan... Yet, they're still winning. Uh, keep being clueless fucks, I guess?
7. Kyle Busch - Maybe we need to check the fucking car for 'roids or maybe we need to say the inevitable. Toyota is fixing the fucking series... (Sorry, Jaime. It's too strong on the evidence to go another way.)
8. Rampage - I'm not going to join the train on saying he's batshit nuts. (He is.) Or condemn him. (UFC fans and Sherdog fuckheads do that enough.) I'm simply going to point to Christopher Nowitski's articles on brain damage. Go read them.
9. Plexiglass Burress - Okay, so they traded away Shockey the whiner. They sent away your boy, maybe they wanted someone who would, you know... FOLLOW THE FUCKING TEAM CONCEPT, FUCKTARD! And Plexiglass... Remember they won the Super Bowl without him and without much help from you. You got 1 touchdown, but nobody remembers that because David Tyree caught the ball with one hand. And you dropped passes with two hands. In other words, honor your contract, bitch. Because there's a whole crop of WRs that're ready to take your spot.
Which brings me to my last part and the reason for that 9 nine existed.
10. Drew Rosenhaus - The SuperAgent of the NFL. I get that you want to be Arli$$, but all you're doing is pissing football fans off. Do us all a favor. Get off of my TV. Rescue another kid if you must, but get fuck off my TV. If I hear about another player of yours that won't honor your contract... Ron, Chris, Jade, Jaime or I get to punch you in the face on live TV. Why, because your players are glorified pussies, and I'm sure the ladies could take them out in one hit.
That's all I got. You have complaints... I don't care. Comment away.
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