If you can't beat 'em, cheat 'em

The Dwain Chambers saga continues, as the muscle-bound sprinter eased to victory in his 60m heat at the World Indoor Championships. And the debate over whether he should be allowed to take part in such events rages on. Why? What's to discuss? Surely, if you're found taking performance-enhancing drugs, you should be banned for life. Saying that Chambers has learnt his lesson doesn't take away the vein-popping muscle mass he developed when he was gulping down steroids with his breakfast, does it?

Perhaps to even things up, he should be subject to a few performance-unenhancing measures. So he'd have to smoke a bong full of weed for twenty minutes, down two pints of lager and a Big Mac Meal, spin around till he's dizzy and then race with his eyes shut. If he still manages to qualify for the finals, who can say he hasn't earned it?

Posted 03/07/08 by Anthony | Filed under: General Sports

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Actually, I think there should be two groups in every Olympic sport: Clean and Dirty. Clean racers, if there are any, get tested to the hilt. Blood, stool, pee, hair, DNA, whatever. Dirty racers juice up, shoot up, or snort whatever they want.

Posted by Ron at 03/07/08 14:48:54

I too have often thought what a steroids Olympics would be like. There'd be aneurysms and heart attacks all over the place. The cocaine 100m would never work, because the athletes would be too busy standing around the start line, going on about how great they are. And the ecstacy long jump would end with a rabid love fest in the sand pit.

Posted by Anthony at 03/07/08 18:09:46

"And the ecstacy long jump would end with a rabid love fest in the sand pit."

Hell, you sold me on watching this. I'd be rooting for the Colombians in the 100m cokehead run. The Jamaicans in the 200m weed dash. And the Irish in the drunken decathlon.

Posted by Rich at 03/11/08 18:01:32

You wouldn't be so impressed if it was the men's long jump, though. That's a sight no one needs to witness.

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