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QUITE FRANKLY, I LOVE BLOGGING

HELLO THERE READERS OF SPORTSBASTARDS DOT COM. I AM STEPHEN A SMITH, AND I HAVE NOW BECOME ONE OF YOU.

YES, THAT IS RIGHT. I HAVE QUIT MY POSITION AT THE PHILADELPHIA INQUIRER AND HAVE STARTED MY OWN BLOG, WHICH YOU CAN GO LOOK AT BY GOING TO STEPHENABLOG.TYPEPAD.COM. PLEASE CLICK THAT BLUE UNDERLINED TEXT TO VISIT MY NEW HOME ON THE INTERNET. I FIND THIS VERY EXCITING!!! (SMILE)

NO, UNLIKE THE GENIUS THAT IS RON, I HAVE NOT BEEN BLOGGING LONG ENOUGH TO REALIZE THAT TYPEPAD IS NOT AS GOOD AS WORDPRESS, BLOGGER, NUCLEUS, OR EVERYTHING OTHER THAN NETGENIE.

WHILE I WILL NOT BE RETURNING TO MY HIT SHOW, QUITE FRANKLY, I WILL BE LAUNCHING A NEW SHOW IN WHICH I INTERVIEW WILD ANIMALS IN A CROCODILE HUNTER-STYLE MANNER. ANIMALS SEEM TO LOVE STEPHEN A SMITH. PERHAPS IT IS THE SOOTHING AND MELODIOUS SOUND OF MY VOICE THAT LULLS THEM INTO A SENSE OF SECURITY, BUT KNOW THIS! SHOULD ANY WILD ANIMAL GET ANYWHERE NEAR MY DELICIOUS CHEEZY DOODLES, AND I WILL BEAT IT TO DEATH WITH A SACK FULL OF DOORKNOBS!!!! PLEASE BELIEVE THAT!!!

DON'T BELIEVE WHAT THOSE BASTARDS AT DEADSPIN HAVE SAID. I WAS NOT FIRED. I DID NOT ABANDON MY JOB IN PHILLY FOR MY CAREER AS A HIGHLY PAID, WELL DRESSED NETWORK ANALYST. I SUBMITTED MY COLUMNS VIA BLACKBERRY LIKE I ALWAYS DID, BUT FOR SOME REASON THEY DID NOT GO THROUGH. I AM NOT DISTRESSED BY THIS NEWS, AS I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED TO SIT IN MY MOTHER'S BASEMENT IN SOUTH PHILLY IN MY UNDERWEAR AND SPEW THE UNFILTERED, UNEDITED STEPHEN A SMITH YOU KNOW AND LOVE DIRECTLY INTO THE WORLD WIDE INTERNET!!!

PEACE, LOVE, AND CHEEZY DOODLES,

YOUR FRIEND STEPHEN A SMITH.

CLICK THE JUMP TO SEE MY ACTUAL BLOGGING, AND NOT SOME SLAVA MED-VE-DEN-KO CRACKER MAKING FUN OF ME!

THIS IS... whoops, caps lock. This is a snippet of Stephen A.'s blog, dated January 2, 2008, but not posted until January 14, 2008. I imagine he needed those 12 days to get his thoughts together, make sure his words were as tight as possible, and put his best foot forward. Happy New Year!

In the interest of being real, although I’ve been a journalist for more than 14 years, therefore intimately accustomed to writing, especially on the fly, I’ve never desired to have my own website, let alone write my own blog. But things change when your loved ones notice your notoriety more than you do, when they aspire for your voice to expand, when they’ve grown tired of the countless times they’ve heard critics rain venom without compunction because they sensed my voice was limited.

THE ONLY THING LIMITED ABOUT MY VOICE WAS THE LIMIT TO WHICH I COULD CONTROL MY SCREAMING!!!!!!!

But hey, "critics rain venom without compunction" kind of sounds like us, doesn't it? Excellent use of a thesaurus there, Stephen.

The parallels drawn in regards to where I’m from and who I am is a constant, fearless approach towards pursuing – then speaking – the truth. Watching television, feeling as if I was being lied to by pundits who seemed compelled to hold back by some unforeseen force, is what inspired me to get into print, then television and radio. None of us are flies on the wall, for the most part. Without eyewitness accounts, there’s always room for plausible deniability, or a reason to debate. But that doesn’t prohibit any of us from exercising common sense, from noticing that 1-plus-1 = 2 -- from saying if something walks like a duck and quacks like a duck….it’s not a damn mongoose!!!
That is where I come in.
Sometimes in sports. Sometimes in politics. But always with life.
Afterall, that’s what everything is really about, anyway.
So fasten your seatbelts! Get ready for a ride!


If this is how well you have to write to get on ESPN and be a major sports journalist for 14 years, then why am I not Bill Simmons right now (well, Bill Simmons if he wasn't a douchebag)? Seriously. Stephen, learn to use the enter key, learn to punctuate, and for the love of God, editing is your friend!

Enjoy those doodles.
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Comments

*bwahahahahahahahahas herself nearly off her chair*

I KNEW you'd write this better than I would. :)

Posted by Jade at 01/31/08 21:29:54

The best part is I could not make myself sound as nearly as incompetent as the real Stephen A. Smith. Whoever his editors are, they deserve a sack full of medals.

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