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There's The Pats...And Everybody Else.

That's the conclusion I've come to after Week 6. I mean, people, it's real
simple for the remainder of this year.

The Pats are going to win the Super Bowl. Can all that "well, the Colts are still the champs and until they get knocked off..." crap, because I'm going to keep it all the way basic with all of you. The Colts got back into
last year's AFC Championship game because of two things. A) The Pats were slow on D and couldn't keep up with Indy and B) The Pats had a pack of receivers that couldn't catch a cold in the middle of flu season. Both problems have been resolved and on top of all that, there's the little
X factor that only I and Bill Simmons *read his Page 2 column to get the skinny on this* know about. The Pats are righteously PISSED and they're taking it out on EVERYONE they face. Notice a running trend developing with the way they've been winning this year? They aren't just winning, what they're doing is the equivalent of what The Million Dollar Man used to do to his foes after beating them. Put em' to sleep and stuff a bill down their throat to make em' choke on it. The absolute worst thing the NFL could've done, hell, the media too...was take an already proud, real good borderline great team and piss em' off. "Say, it's not enough to say they're cheats...let's say that they cheated to get their three Super Bowls too!" Ruh-roh. With all six of their wins this year, they've done something I haven't seen them do in ANY of their previous three Super Bowls. They've gone for the "Fuck You Bitch" scores in the 4th quarter of
games that are long since decided. They've done it every week and if it happens in Indy in about two weeks time, ya may as well have the Commish there to give Bill his 4th trophy and call it quits. They won't lose the rest of this year.

But L, what if they wrap up things early? Guess what, they've got the division locked up because everyone else is in the ground. Buffalo's lone win came against NY, NY's lone win...well, who cares? It's a done deal. They'll have their division wrapped up before we all sit down to enjoy turkey and cranberry sauce. In my lifetime, there have only been two distinct times where I've seen dominance on this level. There were the Super Bowl Shufflin' Bears and of course, the 1989 Niners. These boys aren't going to lose this season unless they choose to do it. Seriously. Moss knows he's closing in on his first ring and that's why he's playing the game like it's fun again. Because it is for him. He knows he's rolling
with the greatest QB playing the game right now and it's not going to get any better than this. And wow...I'm curious if I start calling for Mangini's head on a pike, will the Jets start playing like they have a pulse? Probably not, but ever since I've started the Can Coughlin Coalition...the Giants are actually playing. AND WINNING!!! But these are the Giants and I'm just holding my breath waiting on their monumental second half implosion, because it happens with this team. I've followed them long enough to know what's coming next, so when the inevitable occurs...I probably won't be surprised. But here's the rather crazy thing and this speaks to the utter mediocrity of the Non Football Conference as a whole...

The Giants just might be good enough to win the damn conference. And I will say this openly so nobody misunderstands me, that's the ONLY THING that will get me to come on here and write a total retraction of my earlier anti-Coughlin sentiment. Giants play on Super Sunday, I will make a full blown apology to Coughlin. End of story there. Now, other things I'm hot on right now...

- Say Miami, how's that Gin Crummy clown working out for y'all? Doesn't make much sense to draft a receiver (even if he's not that great to begin
with and managed to get himself taken out of the first quarter of the most important game of his career after returning a kickoff for a score) when you don't have a QB to throw him the ball, does it? Oh and speaking of QBs, how smart do you look for giving away Culpepper for a walking concussion case aka Chris Chandler 3.0 better known as Trent Green. I mean, I've seen some lopsided deals of my time, but this isn't getting the attention it deserves. The Chiefs are at .500 and are tied for first atop the West (which wasn't supposed to be this bad) whereas the 'Fins are winless and well...are the epitomy of suck. And what's worse is that the 'Fins ended up losing to the team that took the QB they probably should've taken...but didn't because hey, what do we know? If I was running a team that hasn't had a QB since Marino retired, I'd think common sense would tell me if one was available, I'd take him. If you're going to rebuild, at least have a QB to rebuild around rather than gambling on some fogey as if your team's stocked to the brim with talent when it's not.
- Rise of the Bungals? They're BAAAACCCKKKKK!!! I think. I swear on all
I know and love, the Bengals are the most talented one win team in the NFL right now. That's not a very flattering thing all things told. Is it this possible for a team to go backwards in such a short time, I mean, 2 years ago...they were on their way up. They won the division, Carson and Chad were developing into quite the 1-2 punch while we were just starting to learn about T.J. Whosyourmama...but then...BOOM. Carson's
leg gets folded up like an accordion and they lose the Wild Card game to the Steelers in the Jungle. Then last year, they implode nauseously down the stretch finishing out of the playoffs. And now, good grief these
boys are painful to watch. I mean, I know everyone knocked these guys for being the Jail Bengals, but at least these guys were WINNING. Come on, someone commit a felony. Throw a broad down a flight of steps, something...don't be a 1-5 team that's doing good off the field. That just means we have too much time to focus in on how crappy you are on the field. Now if some of you start acting the fool off the field, then we'd be too busy focusing in on the dumbass things you're doing off the field to worry about how bush league you look on it.

I'm a man of solutions, what can I say? Oh and since I've been waiting to speak on this, attention Browns fans, ATTENTION! I have something very important to announce...

- Your team is not that good. Period. But L, they're 3-3 and they're looking great. Ahem, they're not looking great. They let a Dolphins team that's closer to filing for social security and AARP than they are for a playoff spot get back into a game that the average team would've had blown out of the water after three quarters. Fact is, your team's stupid for gambling on a running back that the Ravens gave up on even though he's only a year or two older than me *leave it to the Browns to think they got a bargain when they really took a lemon* and not drafting that Adrian Peterson fella 3rd overall *I hear he's fairly good*. Oh and if you're thinking Derek Anderson is truly the answer at QB...well, I'd say all of you need help but you bark like dogs and throw crap onto the field...so that'd be overstating the obvious. Fact is, you're a losing streak away from hitting bottom again, because you can't play the 'Fins and Bungals every week (only two teams they've gone ballistic against this year).

- Well, maybe they're right. Maybe the 'Boys aren't as elite as we thought
they were or maybe it's just New England telling us something we should have already knew. I mean, how can anyone liken Romo to Favre when Romo's throwing five picks against Buffalo on a Monday night. BUFFALO PEOPLE!!! You throw 5 TDs against these clowns, not 5 INTs. Anyone who saw that Monday night game and honestly believed Dallas had a legit chance of beating the Pats two days ago, stand up now. I'll be around with a chair to rearrange your thinking. Truth is, right now the pecking order's a fairly simple one in the Non Football Conference.

1) The Pack. Favre's all you need and their defense is really really good. Quiet good.
2) Dallas. Defense seriously needs to catch up with their offense if they want any hope of A) having homefield because if they have to travel to Lambeau...it's curtains and B) getting Jerry to his first Super Bowl in 12 years.
3) Tampa Bay. Don't look now, but maybe Chucky hasn't forgotten how to coach after all. I mean, aside from Derrick Brooks and Ronde Barber,
could you pick out three players on this Tampa D if they were in a lineup?
Probably not. And nobody name Gaines Adams, he was their first round pick. :P Garcia's reminding folks why he took Philly to the playoffs a year ago and several years before that, guided San Fran to one of the biggest comebacks in playoff history *fucker*. The boy's good and he's making ends meet with a fairly decent receiving corps.
4) Carolina. Honestly, if I could get a bead on who their QB is and they can actually remember that their D is and should be the best in this thing called a conference...I'd have them higher. They've got Steve Smith, they've got a good running game and all told...if they decide to stay consistent, they're a dangerous darkhorse in this conference.

I'm frightened beyond all recognition to list this next one given my own personal thing but...

5) New York. If these guys play the second half of their season as well as they have the first, they'll win the East. They might just win the NFC.
I honestly believe Eli's got more PTPer in him than his brother, I haven't backed off of that. I think that their defense is finally showing signs of not just a pulse, but actual talent outside of Cousin Osi and Old Man Mikey. Right now, in this conference I'd say the Coach of the Year is a two, maybe three man race. Gruden, McCarthy and if he wins this division...Coughlin.

I'm out.
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Comments

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

*gets out her bat and beats Len to a pulp for jumping on the Patriots bandwagon, effectively killing any chance of them winning the Super Bowl*

Some of us have stuck with them even when they sucked, thank you very much--don't spoil our fun now. :p

Posted by Jade at 10/16/07 17:18:23

Uh...you're a meanie. :P Weave me awone before I'm forced to defend myself. :)

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