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An Open Letter To Lloyd Carr

Dear Lloyd Carr,

Three words holmes...just three.

Update. Your. Resume. That's it. If you can keep your job after losing to Appalachian State, hands down the absolute worst defeat not just in Maize and Blue history, but in FBS history, I will officially label Michigan Northwest West Virginia because there are tons of dumbasses running around. It wasn't bad enough that Ole Sweater Vest has basically owned you since making the hop from Youngstown State (who he managed to pummel into nothing at the 'Shoe today) and your last few trips to Pasadena have ended in defeat (you've had Texas and USC to deal with, so I guess we can't quite hold it against you that they were better), you just had to be outcoached by some guy we couldn't pick out of a lineup with his own family reading off vital info about him? Damn dude, I think this just caps it for all Michigan teams as a whole and their drop into mediocrity.

- Detroit blew a 2-0 lead in May's Conference Finals and gave Cleveland its first Conference crown in franchise history.
- The Tigers ran through everyone a year ago before letting the 'we're just happy to be here' Cards do them in four straight.
- The Red Wings were dusted off in short order by the Ducks in this year's playoffs.
- People are still staging walkouts during Lions games. How pathetic do you have to be to have your fans staging walkouts to protest the ineptitude of management? And why hasn't this caught on in New York with the Knicks? I'd say Cleveland with the Browns, but they're Cleveland, they're the Browns and both go hand in hand.
- Michigan can't beat Ohio State or USC last year, gets blasted by both and follows it up with a less than good performance against an FCS team.
Yeah Lloyd, it's time to update that resume holmes and all told, if I were an AD at any school...even Duke or Akron, I wouldn't even bother having you on my campus for an interview. Yeah, you've got a national championship. So does Ole Sweater Vest and it doesn't make him any greater a coach than you. You're a One and Doner, along with the likes of the Ole Ball Coach and Bob Stoops. Oh yeah, can't forget Overpaid Saban. But because we're dealing with college football and what not, I do believe you'll get another chance...somewhere. But tell us Lloyd, what in the hell made you think going for 2, TWICE in the fourth quarter of a tight game was wise? I wouldn't have done that in NCAA Football 08, let alone a game that my team's barely winning. Instead of having a tied game, you end up losing by 2. Two. That number will haunt you for the remainder of your stay in Ann Arbor, which I can only guess won't last past this calendar year. Not only did your coaching ineptitude shine through today, it basically killed a senior season of promise for those who turned away the NFL and the big bucks. Man, if I'm Tom Brady, I'm denying all alumnus status with Michigan. And how much does it suck to be him right now? His kid's got the initials J.E.T. (moral of this story kids, don't be a professional athlete who dumps a high profile actress for a younger model and have her be pregnant at the time you dump her) and now his school gets embarassed in the worst loss in collegiate sports history. Yes, worst ever. Nothing imaginable can top this in terms of sheer humility. Chaminade topping Virginia doesn't do this justice. Valpo over Ole Miss, just another incident of March Madness. This was a national title hopeful slash 'team that USC would ultimately slaughter in New Orleans on the second Monday or Tuesday in January' that all had hyped up.

Oh well. Good luck trying to spin this, I don't think James Carville and Bill O'Reilly could spin this into anything short of professional stupidity on your part. You blew bigger chunks than a guy who had to go #4 in a major way. You make me sad to be a quasi-supporter of the Maize & Blue with your stupidity. And to think I was actually going to wear a Michigan jersey to my friend's annual party in November just to piss people off. I'm wearing a Bucks jersey and rooting for OSU all the way now. You suck. Your team sucks and you should drop all the way out of the Top 25, never to be ranked again this year even if you blow everyone left on your schedule out by a margin of victory of about...50. I feel incredibly bad for the fans who bought that game expecting to see a blowout, only to see their national title hopes basically get sent the other way with that final block at the end of the game. All of those fans should have their money refunded and fans who bought season tickets (you dummies), should have their money refunded and enjoy the rest of the year for free. But how can you enjoy the rest of this year if you're a Wolverine fan? Nothing will wash this taste out of your mouths. Not blowing out Notre Dame in two weeks, not laying waste to Michigan State later in October or ghost of Bo Schembechler willing, crushing Ohio State in November. Your season's a wash and the first Saturday in September was barely at its midway point when it happened. Your season's over and Ole Sweater Vest and those boys from Columbus haven't even hopped on a bus to head your way...YET. This will be talked about for many years to come and every last member of that ASU team will be immortalized in the Pantheon Of Greatness by yours truly for doing something that may and probably won't ever be duplicated by another FCS team. Not that I don't think it can happen again, but because I think you have to be the utter equivalent of Lloyd Carr to have your team be outplayed and you get outcoached and outstrategized by a coach of an FCS school. You let the Wolverines get their clocks cleaned only days after Bo passed on and now months later, you desecrate his memory and the school's prestige by losing to Appalachian State. May God have mercy on the rest of your career, because I doubt very seriously the press, the alums, the boosters and fan base will.

Someone Who's Proud To Be A Scarlet Knight Fan
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