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Up is down, black is white, and old is the new young. How else could you possibly explain the burgeoning gray-pride parade that is Major League Baseball this season?

In the first week, Barry Bonds hit a home run. That's expected. What no one expected was that same Barry Lamar Bonds stealing a base! At 42, no less! In two games, Bonds racked up a homer and a stolen base, and on the third day, he smacked a double. (Two more steals, and he ties last year's three steal total! Shoot for four, old man!)

Since Barry has never even seen performance enhancing drugs like HGH, designer steroids, or bear urine, what explains his magical run of base-stealing prowess? Simple. He's stealing a tip from Keith Richards and snorting the ground up cremains of deceased NFL players.

Poor Darryl Stingley didn't die of pneumonia, he died to sate Barry Bonds' lust for Hank Aaron's home run record.
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