A Letter to LenDale White
You call yourself a professional athlete? Well, I call you a big fat disgrace! Look at you! You look like a bucket of lard on a bad day! I bet you couldn’t find your dick with both hands and the Jaws of Life.
You came to the NFL combine at 240lbs. You gained another five pounds before the USC pro day. And now, you show up for off-season conditioning at 260-plus pounds! Are you a running back, or are you a slice of fatback? I know which one you resemble more.
When you sweat, you sweat bacon grease. When Pacman Jones saw your tits, he threw money at you. I’d say you resemble Jabba the Hutt, but that’s offensive to gigantic space slugs. I hope you choke on your next fried peanut butter, bacon, and banana sandwich, Mama Cass.
Fat people like you sicken me. There’s nothing worse than a fat guy masquerading as an athlete. If you put down the doughnuts and pick up a fucking salad, maybe you’ll get to keep both your feet when you retire.
Sincerely,
David Wells
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