“See, I think that drugs have done some good things for us, I really do. If you don't think drugs have done good things for us, then do me a favor, when you go home tonight, take all your albums, all your CDs, all your tapes and burn them. Because you know what? All the bands that made all that great music that has enhanced your lives over the years? Real fuckin' high on drugs. The Beatles were so high they even let Ringo sing a few songs.” - Bill Hicks

So, the media is in an uproar because Scot Pollard, former Kansas Jayhawk and current Cleveland Cavalier, said the phrase, “Hey kids, do drugs,” last night on television from his seat at the end of the bench. Of course he made faces at the camera, too, but that’s not what’s important. The important thing is the drugs.

Now, I’m far from a teetotaler. You can look at my picture below and pretty much assume that I at least drink on occasion; similarly, you can look at a picture of Scot Pollard and pretty much assume that he’s eaten more than a handful of hallucinogenic mushrooms while hanging out at Bonnaroo. That’s why this situation, as overblown as it is, is not a big deal.

This is Scot Pollard we’re talking about here. This is the guy who wore fingernail polish in college. This is the guy who wore his hair in a samurai topknot in Sacramento. He’s worn a pony tail, pigtails, and a Mohawk. This is the white Dennis Rodman.

(Please ignore the fact that I've worn fingernail polish, mutton chops, a pony tail, pigtails, a samurai topknot, and a Mohawk at one time or another in my life, which makes me the shorter and fatter Scot Pollard. I've also worn my hair in a French braid like Thomas Jefferson, and on a bet I wore my hair in a Topsy Tail. Hey kids, do drugs!)

When Scot Pollard tells me to do something, I do the opposite. He’s done more good for the forces of anti drug than Kurt Cobain, Nancy Reagan, and DARE put together. If you’re a parent who catches your kid smoking crack in the bathroom while sitting on the toilet, point him or her towards a picture of Scot Pollard and see how fast your cokehead child sprints to rehab.

Hell, in the time it took me to write this article, I’ve quit drinking AND crystal meth. Thanks, Scot!