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The Maurice Clarett Memorial Mug-Shot Top 10

Today we celebrate the creme de la shit of the National Football League. Normally, we'd give the commissioner a proper welcoming to the NFL, but with this fucked up cast? HA!

Like I'm going to give that dorky bastard Goodell any fucking room to breathe. Here's the 10 skeletons in the NFL closetthat Paul Tagliabue left just for you, Roger, right next to the closet ol' Esera Tuaolo came out of.

Thus begins the Maurice Clarett Memorial Mug-Shot Top 10. Just think, if you people make this big, it might be an annual, or if the Bengals have their way, monthly event.

So, in mugshot and joke form, here it comes.

Edit - For all the folks who want to yell about McNair, stop. We're getting a proper memorial for him soon. You're making yourselves look bad...
10. Jamal "The Tennesse Kid" Lewis

What was the fastest run Jamal Lewis had ever?

Answer: Away from the cops.

9. Randy "DeeDeeDee" Moss

What does Lindsay Lohan and Randy Moss have in common?

Answer : They run over people for attention

8. Steve "Absolut" McNair

Where did Steve McNair learn how to drive?

Answer: The Glen Campbell School of Drunken Driving

7. Ricky "Da Reefa Mon" Williams

Why did Ricky Williams go play for the CFL?

Answer: A larger field means more grass

6. Bill "Dr. Phil" Romanowski

What's the hardest thing Romo hits on Sunday?

Answer: His wife.

5. Onterrio "Dirk Diggler" Smith

I would joke, but let's face it. He and Mark Walberg have something in common.

They both wore a fake dick in public.

4. Michael "The Alps" Irvin

Why does Mikey wear a white suit most of the time?

Answer: To cover up the 'snow drifts.'

3. Orenthal James, the bus driver killer

Why was OJ drafted so well in the NFL?

Answer: He had one hell of a cut back.

2. Jeff " I ain't a Hardy" Garcia

What's the safest place to be walking when Jeff Garcia is driving?

Answer: On the road.

1. Rae "Shotgun" Carruth

As the winner of this contest, Rae gets an all expenses paid trip to Nashville. Only this time, he gets the view outside of the trunk.

Let's not forget the spirit of this award, either, folks. The man who made it all possible.

The Gold Standard - Maurice "Rambo" Clarett

What was Maruice's favorite formation at Ohio State?

Answer: The Run and Shoot.

Good night, folks. I'm here all week...

(Thanks to Ron for the Michael Irvin, Jamal Lewis, and Ricky Williams jokes, and Ron, Jaime Sue, and Luis for help assembling the top 10 list)
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The saddest part of Jamal Lewis' arrest for drugs last season was the fact that I had him on my fantasy football team.

Posted by Ron at 09/08/06 10:00:14

Maurice is a great gut who made some poor choice I am sure you are all so perfect that why instead of living in the spot light you sit on the side line and hate

Posted by at 12/27/08 22:00:38

missed Lawrence Phillips in this list, LOL! Oh and that other Rams RB Charles White.

Posted by Troy at 04/27/09 00:31:27

Steve McNair's just been killed

Posted by C Hudson at 07/04/09 16:54:59

I cant believe Steve McNair is dead!

Posted by at 07/04/09 17:21:54

It may be funny it's note a jock

Posted by dd at 07/04/09 17:22:05

Bet it was a case of domestic this case a jealous lover.

Posted by MaddMaxx at 07/04/09 17:24:07

Whatever the reason its very unfortunate. Its celeberties are dying all near the same time.God bless their loved ones they left behind.

Posted by at 07/04/09 18:08:57

RIP - Steve McNair

Posted by at 07/04/09 18:40:18

Time is changing & everyone should value life & use your time wisely......

Posted by at 07/04/09 19:16:43

You people DO realize that this post wasn't made yesterday, don't you? Check the date and find something a little more timely to comment on, plz. Kthxbye.

Posted by Jade at 07/05/09 01:43:30

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