Dear Pac-10 Official,

We get it. Okay? We know you guys want to keep USC on top of your conference and at the top of the BCS standings by any means necessary, up to and including blatantly rigging calls to fall in USC’s favor. It’s obvious by now. Even Corky from "Life Goes On" gets it, and he’s not even a football fan.

I know that, sometimes, officials make mistakes on the field. It’s the heat of the moment, you’ve got bad angles, blah blah blah. I understand that. Shit happens; but this begs the question: WHY IN THE FUCK DO YOU GET REPLAYS WRONG?

This has been a Pac-10 calling card this year. Most everyone has forgotten Oregon being handed a victory over Oklahoma thanks to the worst officiating ever perpetrated by supposedly skilled professional sporting-event monitors. On-field mistakes, and even more damning, replay booth ‘mistakes’ when obviously the official has video evidence. Don’t try to pass off any bullshit about insufficient camera angles or replaying options either.

These games, being the Pac-10, are all televised. Are you trying to tell me that nobody in the whole fucking stadium has a TV? Are you really trying to tell me that the official can’t look outside at the 8,000-foot Jumbotron and watch the multiple replays shown to the crowd via the in-stadium camera system in high definition clarity? In a million-dollar football cathedral, nobody can spring for basic cable and the Worldwide Leader in Sports?

Surely these officials can sit on their butt and properly watch television. I know they’re Pac-10 and all, but most of them look like they spend a lot of time dead-assing it in front of the idiot box, so they ought to be well-versed in the art of staring dumbly at the television. If I can see that USC’s reciever caught the ball, took like 5 steps, then fumbled it, then so can you. My TV isn’t any better than yours, and despite Paul Maguire’s best attempt to make excuses for the shitty officials, like Bob Griese, I’m not having any of it.

The only obvious answer to this problem is that the fix is in. In an attempt to make the Pac-10 almost a real football conference, you’re going to fight to keep your one notable team, USC, on top, no matter who you have to screw over to do it. Screwing over Oklahoma makes the conference look stronger. Screwing over Cal keeps your biggest-name program in national championship contention.

So keep up the good work, Pac-10. Keep screwing everyone you can as hard as you can, because eventually, you’ll screw over the BCS for the last time and everyone will be sick of it (as if we’re not already sick of both the BCS BS and USC). You’re laying the groundwork for a future playoff system, so keep up the good work.

Until then, I suggest all of USC’s future opponents lube up really well. Fitting nickname for that team, Trojans, especially considering how much they fuck over their opponents. All to keep the LA market hot for college football, no doubt. Yet another illegitimate national championship berth for the Trojans.

It looks like they're going to have USC and Ohio State play for the national championship no matter what actually happens on the football field. The Pac-10’s crack officials won’t let anything jeopardize this, or they’ll die trying. Thanks to the rule structure, they’ve got a good chance of cheating to win all the way to the crystal football (the Pac-10 is the only BCS conference with a rule stating that only its officials can work home games involving league teams).

Look for USC to benefit from even more crooked Pac-10 officiating from here on out; I get the feeling that in the upcoming Notre Dame game, the Fighting Irish going to get penalized for such grievous violations as: eligible receiver downfield, forward passing, 11 men on the field, not letting USC tackle them, and non-false starts. It fucking makes me sick and manages to spoil my favorite sport, all at the same time.

Fuck you very much, Pac-10, for all your hard work.


Ron