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This is the archive for December 2007

It's History

History shouldn't be a mystery, our story's real history not...HIS-STORY.- Chuck D & Flavor Flav, "Brothers Gonna Work It Out"

Last night, thanks to the "benevolence" of one Iron Hand Goodell, the nation got to see history made. No longer will we as football fans have to hear about the 'Fins popping champagne corks everytime a final unbeaten team eats an L in the right column of their record. Good news Mercury, the Pats are in your 'hood. They'll be sure to let you know when they're at your doorstep when they bring the wrecking ball that sends your home crashing to rubble. Now I'm fairly sure my favorite Yankees fan is sitting in her home waiting to knock me senseless with a bat or helmet for saying this next statement, but she can rest easy because of the facts I have backing me up...

The Patriots are your Super Bowl Champions.

How can I make this proclamation you ask? Few reasons of the actual factual nature, one is just because I'm that good. Think back to a year ago, I boldly proclaimed that the Spurs would win it all and this is pre-Mavs running away with things during the season, pre-Dirk being outplayed in two key late season matchups by Steve Nash who's the real MV3 in my book, pre-Mavs being Ashton Kutcher'd by Nellieball and G-State. I called it then and I'm calling it now for the following reasons...

1) There's not a team in the AFC sans Indy that's tough enough to go into Foxboro and win. Due note, the last time the Patriots lost a postseason game in Foxboro, close to half of the staff here at SB wasn't even thought of yet. (Been 29 years since the last time they lost at home in the playoffs.)

2) In the postseason, it usually comes down to coaching. While everyone tries to talk up the Jacksonvilles, San Diegos and the like...ask yourself this question. In a one game for your life, who do you trust more to call the plays necessary to save it? Ole Hoodie aka Belichick or the field? I'm going with the Hoodie and laughing my way to another day.

3) You're kidding yourself if you think there's a secondary out there that can stop this Maddenesque passing attack. Brady's firing on all cylinders, Moss is who we forgot he was, namely the best damn playmaker period and Welky's the 3.0 version of what Jurevicius was and never became (pretty damn good for a slot guy). Your "usual suspects" have good safeties and or pass rushes (Blitzburgh, Bolts, J-Ville, Indy), but have corners that are just dying to be exploited if the line holds up. That spells trouble and then some, because Brady's making like a surgeon with these secondaries being his knocked out patients. Cut em' open and have your way with em' Doc.

Bottom line here is really simple. The postseason comes down to three things inevitably that will determine the Super Bowl Champion from 2nd, 3rd and 4th losers.

- Having a great running game to compliment a passing attack that can move the ball downfield.
- Having homefield to ensure the only time you have to leave home, is for the final game of the year.
- Having a head coach to exploit the weaknesses in the other team and newsflash once again, three rings to everyone else's three (Gruden, Holmgren & Dungy are the only coaches to win a Super Bowl as HEAD COACH, I'm not counting rings won as a coordinator) means Belichick's the last guy you want to try and match wits with. He's had countless coordinators come and go and guess what? He's still making this look like child's play.

So to all you Chowderheads, get ready to order your Patriots title gear. Stuff should be ready by the first Sunday in February. I seriously wouldn't hold my breath waiting on that Celtics gear in all honesty, that Pistons game exposed a few weaknesses that exist in this squad that may be a big problem in May and June.

Those Wonderfully Racist Japs

Dear Hichori Morimoto,

Please come to America, win Gold gloves, and wear things like this. You'd be exactly what American baseball needs to distract from Barry Bonds, Roger Clemens, and the trackmarks in Lenny Dykstra's mullet region.


You're the man. Seriously, don't let anyone change you. Continue to be as crazy as you want to be. Wear stilts, wear that Conehead hat, and continue to dress as Piccolo from Dragon Ball Z. Better yet, do all these things at the same time! You're like a funnier Chad Johnson or a less-creepy Carrot Top.



Handicapping The Race For Second.

Because at this point, if you all haven't figured out that New England's going to run away with this thing in the're either a Steeler, Colt or Charger fan holding out hope where there is none or you're just a fool. On second thought, how about we say you're both and call it a day?
Let's break this down into its simplest terms, shall we? Here's why the Pats are going to win AFC crown #4 in 7 tries...

A) There's not a team in the AFC with the secondary that can hold them in check. Don't say Indy, because for a quarter and change INDOORS NO LESS, Brady torched them. Care to see what's going to happen outdoors in Peyton's "House of Pain" (remember, Peyton's never won a playoff game in Foxboro). You can cancel Blitzburgh, because as I've told any and everyone who will listen, any team that has a safety that keeps getting talked up, it's for a reason. It's because the rest of that secondary is more suspect than O.J. Simpson and Michael Vick combined.

Safeties don't cover receivers, they simply cover what the corners cannot
and if they're your last line of defense, it's generally a done deal. Just ask Anthony Smith who had to undergo the embarassment of being just flat out flamebroiled by an irate Pats squad last night.

B) You have to be mentally tough to beat New England. Nobody in the AFC is. Say what you will about Baltimore this season, but I think they were playing off of the fact that a fallen soldier (people seriously do not give this more credence or cred, but Da U is a very TIGHT knit unit.)... I think they were fired up to give it a go for that night only. *See last night's box score to see how far that carried them.* You can't go in with the thought process being these guys are going to cream us. The second they sense you're in doubt, you're out. That's it.

C) You have to play a perfect game for 60 minutes. 60. Not 59. Not 58.
SIXTY. If you give this offense a chance to win, they will. Ask Indy. Ask
Baltimore. People will say that New England showed weaknesses in those
close games and well, I say they're full of shit. If you're in a fight with someone who's peppering you with punches, but you're landing a few of your doesn't mean they've got glaring weaknesses that you got just means you got in a few good shots. Doesn't mean shit if you get knocked unconcious and don't remember how you got to the hospital.
If Philly, Baltimore or Indy won those "close games", that'd be a totally different story. But they didn't. And the truth of the matter is people, the Pats are locked, loaded and ready for war. They're furious with the league for making them into a team that can't get by without cheating and they're infuriated that their titles have been questioned.

I have no doubts that the Pats will go for the juggular this Sunday due to Mangini's snitch job that started all of this and oh yeah, don't think next Sunday will be any different as they'll go for broke against the winless Fins as a way of sticking it to the 72 'Fins who won't STFU. The Pats will call you Mercury when they've brought the wrecking ball to the home where you and the rest of your old timers have incessantly drunk up like alkies everytime the last unbeaten team falls every year. These Pats are done being nice and simply put, I'm likening this to when Triple H went from being all nice to becoming The Game we know him as now. The hammer's being dropped people and the body count will continue to rise. As Trips himself would say...Game Over.

Jade's Fight Night--HBO PPV, Mayweather/Hatton

As I mentioned in my last PPV review, I hate Shane Mosley.

Multiply that by ten thousand, and that’s how much I hate Floyd Mayweather.

Yes, Floyd Mayweather is pound-for-pound the best boxer in the world right now, if not for all time, but he is also one of the worst fighters to watch when he’s in the ring. If it wasn’t for the amount of hype HBO puts out for his matches, I doubt anyone would bother to shell out the bucks to watch him.

Outside the ring, Floyd is a master showman; he knows how to work a crowd, he knows how to play up a fight, he knows how to promote himself to make people watch him. Unfortunately, all that ends the minute Floyd sets foot INSIDE the ring. Technically, he’s got blistering speed and he’s an effective counter-puncher, but these days, his style is more defense-based than offense-based. Even though he has 24 KOs to his credit, it’s been quite some time since I’ve seen him actually knock somebody out. He prefers instead to go the distance with his opponents, relying on his speed and counter-punching to get him the win and only putting forth a minimum of offense…when he’s not taking entire rounds off when he decides he needs a break. I don’t know if he thinks a longer fight is somehow more entertaining or if he’s so damn lazy he can’t be bothered to actually make an effort. Either way, a Floyd match is usually a snooze-fest. I respect the talent he has, but the fact that he doesn’t use that talent to its full potential (especially when I’m paying good money to see him use that talent to its full potential) annoys the hell out of me.

Tonight, however, Floyd Mayweather is up against Ricky Hatton, another undefeated fighter who not only can match, if not beat, Floyd in the speed department, but whose style of fighting is of the come-at-you-with-everything-he’s-got-all-night-long brand, which will certainly put Floyd’s counter-punching skills to the test. If anyone on this earth stands a chance of knocking “Pretty Boy” Floyd on his ass and off his high horse, it’s Hatton. Ron’s more of a Hatton fan than I am, but if Ricky Hatton can get the job done, I’ll love him longtime.

All that having been said, let’s go to the card…

An Open Letter To "A. Kidd"

Dear Kidd,

How are ya? I haven't really had much rhyme or reason to really vent out at you, even though you've given me plenty of reason to since the last Eastern Conference championship you led the Nets to in 2003. Like say, when you had the worst shooting performance of your career the next year allowing the Pistons to go on and win the title against the Spurs. Since 2003, the Nets have not been back to the East Finals. As much as it might kill you to admit, the problem is that the chemistry's not right in Jersey.

The bench has not been what it was in the two seasons the Nets ruled the East. The lineup while more talented than before, has not had that little something the two title squads had. In some ways, one could argue *and I quietly wonder why this hasn't been mentioned more* you did a lot more with a whole lot LESS. I bought the issue of Slam Magazine some five years ago which proclaimed the Nets, "The Best TEAM In The World". That team didn't have stars, it had players who simply wanted to play and knew their roles. This team doesn't have the heart those teams had, nor the desire to compete. And for the first time in a seriously long while, I'm wondering if you have the same problem. Look, in case nobody's told you, the grass isn't exactly greener on the James side of the fence. Even IF Cleveland had enough pieces to make Rod pick up the phone and listen,
what makes you think that you can get someone whose heart tends to go mush in the crunch back to the Finals? If you go to Los Angeles and team with Kobe, guess what? You're still not going to be strong enough to take down the likes of San Antonio, Phoenix and Dallas all of whom have point guard matchups that would exploit your age and inability to play defense.