IT'S BACK... New Rules for January 10, 2007

That's right, people. Coming back harder than a case of Type II Herpes that stripper got from Mike Vick, it's the New Rules. It's gonna be a shorter list though. Don't want to burn myself out again. I've been overdue on this, so let's go, shall we?

- New York Giants are keeping Tom Coughlin. Why? They enjoy pissing naysayers like Len off. So, here's a laundry list for the Giants to get to talking to. Eli, White Trash Shockey, Gap Tooth, and Plexiglass. If Coughy is allowed to get rid of any of that group, only Eli will stay.

- Michelle Wie, stop it, oh Korean goddess. While you shouldn't listen to a former college cumdumpster like Jemelelelelele on most of her crap, listen to the college folks (Chris, Ron, Luis, Jade, Jaime, me) and stay the fuck in school. Get on an NCAA team. Dominate like Tiger. Repeat after you get the degree.

- Ohio State Buckeyes are who we thought they were--overrated. First the football team gets chomped by Gators. Now the basketball team is being clawed by Badgers. I think they need to go against non-animal teams next year. Except Michigan...

- Gilbert Arenas = scary. Kobe went and pissed him off this year. Now yesterday during the ESPN chat, I found out that the man had 6 fucking PS3. He doesn't play any of them. Any man with that much ownage of anything, you don't want to fuck with, ever.

- Memphis proved something. Luke Walton is a mealy-mouthed worthless bastard. Kobe can't handle teams "lesser in the food chain" than the Lakers. Pau Gasol can actually have a good game.

- We now found out why Jason Kidd was an alleged wife beater. It's not that he was turning into Shawn Kemp. It was the fact that Joumana was turning into Tawny Kitaen.

- Finally, a few people in my previous articles have taken attacks on me. I'll say this once to them. CSTB, when you learn to stop the copypasta, we'll learn to respect you. Until then, go choke on your boyfriend's dick.

- To the Vandy guys, I take talk of racism from rich white boys as seriously as I take skin care advice from a leper. Go waste more of mommy and daddy's money and then die alone, you pricks.

All I've got, folks. More news and general shit coming from this disgruntled associate editor soon...

Posted 01/10/07 by Rich | Filed under: New Rules

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Comments

What's this associate editor shit? Oh, yeah. That's right, I promoted you. Now we need a new Token Mexican.

Posted by Ron at 01/10/07 15:11:22

Yeah, and I found that my paycheck was twice what I was getting. Zero squared. Anyhow, as far as token Mexicans, didn't we have a Mexican surplus, or is Luis another hispanic line?

Posted by Rich at 01/10/07 15:26:30

I think Luis is our token Puerto Rican.

Posted by Ron at 01/10/07 16:19:07

One, no, TWO quick things I'd like to point out to you.

1) Coughlin's keeping his job because right now, they don't have enough faith
in any other assistant coming in and doing his job any better. Yes, I'm of the fighting this urge to not go old school Stone Cold on Coughlin's ass when this team implodes again.

2) It wasn't Kobe who pissed Arenas off
holmes. It was LeBron. Last April, when LBJ psyched him out and sent him packing in Washington, Gilbert took it personally. Normal rule of thumb, you don't piss off someone who's just looking for a reason to BE ANGRY. Like me, he plays better when he's angry as evident by the fact that his scoring average has increased every year since his rookie season. He might
just be the greatest second round pick of all time before it's all said and done. That is all.

Posted by Len at 01/10/07 18:59:16

Feh, Coughlin's keeping his job because he went to the Matt Millen School of Career-Advancing Fellatio (which I do believe should be one of those TITS courses).

Posted by Jade at 01/11/07 13:27:11

Duly noted, Mama Jade. Also, it's the fact that there really is nobody else. The Steelers are keeping their crew in house.

Posted by Rich at 01/12/07 07:29:07